being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
