flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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