Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
