we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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