so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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