bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
