I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She bit a glass in half.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
