The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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