I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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