they need to just BURY HIM!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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