He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
