I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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