And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
