I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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