This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
