Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
