Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
