I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
