You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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