Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize