if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
