I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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