How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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