Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
