sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.