And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle