tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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