You smell like stripper and shame
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize