So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
