Yo dont text me then not text me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Everclear isn't food dammit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
