worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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