I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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