How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize