so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
