Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize