What did we do last night that was yellow?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
