But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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