Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
