guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
