Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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