Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
