god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
