wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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