how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
