People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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