I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
