Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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