Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
