With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
