Christians are straight up FREAKS
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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