My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize