Your face is a jimmy john
well you can't waste a boner
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
