my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
