im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
