she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
