He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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