after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
