ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
