she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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