omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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