The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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