Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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