I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
