you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
