Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume