I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants