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I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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