Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks