I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pooping to opera.
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