Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
