i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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