yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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