Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We have so much sex to catch up on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
