chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
